What Should I Say To Someone With Cancer?

August 31, 2009

( I find this article really worth sharing to anyone who can relate. It is extracted, with the photo, from the May/June 2009 issue of Salubris, an NCCS bi-monthly publication.)

 

Written by Gilbert Fan

Manager: Department of Psychosocial Oncology

NCCS (National Cancer Centre Singapore)

It is never easy to talk to someone about cancer. The question often asked is: “Should we talk about their condition openly?” Well, there is no straightforward answer to this.

If we focused on the person who has cancer and not on the affliction itself, we should be able to strike a sensible, meaningful and appropriate conversation. You need to understand the person you are talking to. This is important, as what suits you may not be so to others.

However, it does help if you can strike a good balance between showing concern and obtaining information. Show concern in a way that would bring across the message that you care, while you gather enough information to know how to be of help. So it is about how to be appropriate and helpful.

LET’S EXPLORE THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION:

EXAMPLE 1:  “I’m sorry to hear this. I’m really concerned about how you are doing right now. Do you mind talking with me about it?”

It gives the impression that you care and what matters to you is his/her coping with the illness.

VERSUS

EXAMPLE 2:  “I heard about it, what stage is your cancer? What kind of treatment did the doctor suggest to you?”

It gives the impression that you want an update. Your preoccupation is the cancer and not the person who has the cancer.

Many patients and their close kin would have decided who they wish to tell. Be mindful that it can be difficult to break the news to loved ones. As a result, sometimes they may be the last to know.

To those whom the patient has decided to tell, they can be very open and can talk in detail about the diagnosis, treatment and even prognosis. However, for others they may only discover about the illness through a third party. In this situation, we need to be sensitive to the privacy of the patient, and be mindful of the patient’s preferences in handling his/her private affairs.

Patients are afraid of being labeled “terminally-ill”, “incurable”, and “not doing as well as someone else we know”. There is this added pressure to live up to other’s expectations of them. It is the same as a parent who is afraid of being asked: “How did your child do in the PSLE examination?” This is especially so when the child does not meet societal expectation. In that way, parents are afraid of their child being compared with his peers, to be judged, and to be written-off as being “not good enough”.

The second most commonly asked question is: “How would a patient respond to the cancer diagnosis?”

Well, there is no one single standard reaction or response. Most responses reflect on individual disposition and personality. It is usually being influenced by an element of surprise as well. By this I am referring to one’s exposure to shock or crisis, familiarity with cancer such as family history, and one’s inability to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

There is a saying that preaches about how “the truth hurts”. Whether a person is prepared for cancer or not, the truth still hurts. No one is spared from the feelings of self-grievance, self-pity or even disorientation that comes with the realization of the truth. For some, their hurt may turn into disappointment or even anger towards themselves or worse, others close to them. Their reaction may appear baseless and meaningless and yet there is little that they can do to control it. They may even feel they are losing control of their lives. Some react silently as they cry within whilst others do it openly.

We often talk about having a purpose in life. In the case of cancer patients, they need to find a purpose to live. A familiar reaction is the fear of losing the fight to cancer. Cancer can disrupt one’s plans, self-confidence and even beliefs. Patients need to make sense of their illness. There is a need for them to understand the situation. If they do not, they may not know how to continue living their lives. Perhaps a lesson can be learnt from a rare few; for them having a purpose to live can be quite automatic. They can be self-driven, rational and they just move on. They accept that there is still life after cancer!

A Thousand Folds of Hope Anniversary

August 30, 2009

It’s been a year now after completing treatment for NPC.

During the middle of the long period of radiotherapy and chemotherapy, a good friend was behind the extraordinary A Thousand Cranes Project, as a big source of hope, encouragement and inspiration for me during those difficult days.

Now, after a year, I was surprised again to receive the “spirit” of the cranes, thru a card. A remembrance. With full of magnanimous significance and meaning.

To the friends who are behind this, a multitude and multi-folds of appreciation, again, especially to Tita!  You will always be remembered and I will always be thankful.

Life goes on!

IT HAS BEEN A GOOD AND BLESSED YEAR… INDEED.

Sungei Buloh

January 25, 2009

When I was just starting with photography, I visited Sungei Buloh the first time with my housemate, a photography enthusiast as well.  That was year 2004.  I was only using then a compact digital camera.

Now, after five years, I got the chance to see again the nature park with a new group of shooting buddies from my office.  Each one is geared with a DSLR (digital single-lens reflex) camera and a set of gadgets including telephoto zoom lenses.

As the trail guide puts into words, Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve is “set in 30 hectares of mangroves, mudflats, ponds and secondary forest… (It) is a rare oasis of natural wonders and tranquility, home to unique plants and animals, as well as wintering ground for migratory birds.”

While my shooting buddies delighted on shooting birds and distant living subjects using their telephoto lenses, I only managed to capture some macro shots and landscape scenes.  Well, do what you can with what you’ve got.  Simply, I don’t have telephoto lens haha…

The Reserve is not just a natural habitation.  It is also an abode to discover and find artworks inspired by what can be seen in the Reserve.  At the Visitors Center, photographs of the wetland’s inhabitants can be spotted.  There’s an interesting multihued relief mural and a Nature Gallery.  Art is also displayed in some amusing ways: male and female toilets’ sign are not the usual human figures but of distinct male and female emerald doves; trash bins on some parts of the trails feature hand paintings of the animals.

Inspired by what I’ve witnessed in Reserve, I tried an attempt to come up with a few art pieces.  Sungei Buloh in digital art… through the photographs I’ve taken.

To view more of raw photographs, here’s the link.

http://www.pbase.com/rivillaroman/sungei_buloh

 

Nasal Douching

January 16, 2009

Every time I hear the word “douche” or “douching,” only one thing comes into my imagination.  Yes, you’re right!  It’s a feminine thing haha…

Now that I’m living and surviving with NPC, “douche” or “douching” clarify themselves thru the veracity of vocabulary.  The all-knowing Wiki describes douche as “a device used to introduce a stream of water into the body for medical or hygienic reasons, or the stream of water itself.”  Douching plainly means then, streaming of water into the body.  Okay, it’s clear!

After completing a course of nasal radiotherapy, some permanent side effects are left on me like nasal dryness, blockage, and uncontrollable discharges.  These conditions worsen everytime I had colds.

This is when douching comes into the scene.  And as the direction becomes apparent, it is nose douching.  Others dub it as “nose flushing.”

One time when I had flu combined with severe colds, having difficulty in breathing through my nose, I consulted my Radio Oncologist.  He prescribed antibiotics and saline nasal wash, which comes with a squeeze bottle (the douche).

When I bought the prescription, the pharmacist instructs me on how to use the douche.

Back at home, I just stared at the 7-inch tall and 2-inch diameter plastic douche.  I never attempted to use it even if I have clear instructions on the usage, for I am afraid of drowning myself when I insert the douche’s 2-inch long spout into my nose and let the solution irrigate my nasal passages.

A few days after buying the douche, I attended a monthly NPC Support Group meeting.  Coincidentally, part of the program that time was an actual demonstration of nose douching for NPC survivors.  Halleluiah!

There were two demonstrations.  But none of those utilized the squeeze bottle that I bought.  Both of the demonstrations used improvised ways of nasal douching, even the solution mixture.

One of the douches used was just an ordinary syringe, with the absence of the needle; and the other is a small plastic container resembling Aladdin’s lamp, called “Alibaba’s cup.”

From the demonstrations, my senses tell me that using syringe looks more effective as the rinse ejected from it reaches deeper the nasal cavities and throat.  It is also cheaper than others hence more practical to use.

There were sharings among the member of the group after the demonstrations.  For the solution mixture, some use sodium bicarbonate mixed with sea salt.  Some use just sea salt.  The mixture ratio varies.  A few used just tap water as the base solution.  Others use warm water.  I honestly do not know which among the variety of mixtures or rinse is best.

I tried nasal douching for the first when I got home after the support group meeting.  I just use tap water mixed with the prescribed saline nasal wash.  Initially, it felt uncomfortable during the procedure.  But after, the relieve is very liberating.

In my case, nasal douching helps wash away accumulated nasal discharges, (probably) reduces nasal swelling which facilitates smooth breathing and maintains good nasal hygiene.

Now I can breathe better…

 

(Here’s a link about the topic which I find very informative and educational.  http://www.doctorhoffman.com/ydouche.htm)

Flying Rainbow Jewels

December 25, 2008

Butterflies… dragonflies… damselflies… simply amazing tiny pals!

These flying rainbow jewels are flamboyantly visible, flaunting themselves in fascinating multihued shades.  Butterflies come in different sizes and shapes, with a range of distinct tints and patterns on their wings.  While odonates (dragonflies and damselflies) display vivid colors through their bodies, wings or tails.

 Capturing these little creatures on frame poses challenges to photographers.  Even at a huge garden, butterflies are nowhere to be found.  Or if one is spotted, surely it hops and flies frenziedly, almost impossible to track it especially if it dashes on top of trees.

On the other side, dragonflies bask under the sun so the photographer has to bear with them in chasing and capturing with the lens.  Or if you caught sight of them in the distant shades, the macro lens bumps its limited shooting distance range.  Even if a long telephoto lens is available, yet the subject rests in an unpleasing position or location, blocked by cluttered foreground/ background, then the powerful lens loses its capability.  For damselflies, the photographer has to be in a very low shooting position to get close to them, to the point of lying on the belly.

Often, it is luck if a real good subject, whether a butterfly or a dragonfly, lands close or presents itself and remained steady even just a few seconds in front of the lens.  So learning about these species becomes a very powerful means in photographing them.  To gain knowledge of their behaviors, to know when is the time or season they propagate, or to locate particular places to spot them, will armor the photographer more than the necessary photography tools he needs.  It is worth investigating like when is the breeding season?  What particular plants or flowers (for butterflies) and insects (for odonates) do they feed?  Where do they thrive, in vegetation or bodies of water?  Only when I started shooting dragonflies that I’ve learned that some of its orders are territorial.  They go back to same spot even if you try to shoo them, and they chase away same species that intrude their marked territory.  Interesting!

To catch these insects, I frequent the Singapore Botanic Gardens, with occasional visits to Alexandra Hospital Butterfly Trail and Butterfly Park in Sentosa.

My online galleries at Pbase website are regularly updated to showcase these flying rainbow jewels.  Here are the links to the galleries.

http://www.pbase.com/rivillaroman/butterflies

http://www.pbase.com/rivillaroman/odonates 

These galleries will be a growing collection as I continue to explore other nature parks to capture these six-legged friends.